I’ve only given flowers a handful of times in my entire life. And those were layups. Anniversary roses, Easter lilies, spring daffodils. Anything more complicated and there’s just too much symbolism to consider and potentially get wrong.
Flowers are especially meaningful in Chinese culture, adding an additional layer of complexity as you’re standing in your local Chinatown florist. Various varieties and colors can convey drastically different messages, which creates a lot of pressure when you’re afraid of breaching strict cultural protocols.
In reality, giving bouquets of flowers is a relatively modern phenomenon in China. Until recent times, cut flowers were generally associated with funerals. Though sending flowers is now generally accepted practice, it remains a nice touch to send a potted plant, instead of a bouquet, if the flowers are to be displayed in the home or if you wish to convey an additional sentiment related to growth and life.
Before we go further, here are a few general flower-giving taboos to avoid.
– White flowers and yellow chrysanthemums are only used at funerals.
– A potted plant represents an incompletely cured illness to a sick person.
– Thorns and thistles represent pain and difficulty.
– Poplar flowers are easily broken and represent an unfaithful woman.
What you will find below is a simple, failsafe guide to sending flowers for the most important Chinese occasions. At the end, you’ll also find a few timeless selections that you can use to send more specific messages to a recipient.
For a Wedding
Pomegranate Flowers
Pomegranate fruit is tart, but contains lots of seeds. Send pomegranate flowers to newly-married friends to express good wishes for fertility and many sons.
For a Funeral
White and Yellow Chrysanthemums
If you’re ordering from a non-Chinese florist, give strict instructions that the arrangement (including any vase) contain nothing red. This is the color for happiness and prosperity, which is clearly inappropriate for this occasion and which will cause great offense. Send white chrysanthemums to the family of the deceased and a mixture of white and yellow chrysanthemums, if the arrangement is to accompany the casket.
For Birthdays and Happy Occasions
Red Chinese Roses
Red is the key color here, to send wishes for good fortune, wealth and a prosperous future. For birthdays, celebrations and new business launches, red Chinese roses are the easiest choice, accented with perhaps golden rod and baby’s breath.
For Lovers
Lilies
For committed couples, red lilies pledge enduring love and a happy union lasting a hundred years. They’re beautiful, elegant and pure. Definitely a classic choice.
For a Father or Grandfather
Orchids
Orchids are thought to posses a certain noble quality (Confucius likened them to a virtuous gentleman), making them a perfect choice to gift to a venerable old man.
For a Mother or Grandmother
Peach Flowers
Peach flowers are sacred in China, representing longevity, romance, prosperity and growth. Paired with a beautiful vase, they’re a wonderful way to express wishes for a good life to your mom.
For Overcoming Adversity
Plum Flowers
Plum flowers blossom amidst frost and snow, giving them the long-admired qualities of firmness and solidity. Send plum flowers when you want to recognize inspiring courage or perseverance.
For Flawless Elegance
Peonies
Peonies are considered the very living symbol of nobility, a flower associated with wealth and honor, feminine beauty, innocence and charm. Send peonies when you wish to express great admiration or to recognize meaningful artistic or creative achievements.
For Great Achievements
Lotus Flowers
The lotus is among the most significant flowers in the Chinese culture. Because it emerges unstained and beautiful from muddy water, the lotus provides motivation to persevere through difficult conditions and symbolizes the strength of those with pure heart and mind.
Your turn! Do you have any advice for sending flowers and getting the symbolism right? I’d love to hear from you in the comments section below!
HT: Photo by Fusion Living.
Nina lymburn
I have a Chinese friend who is terminally ill and I want to take flowers to him. Could you please help. I don’t want to send the wrong type and colours. Thank you.
Wes Radez
Hi Nina, thanks for your question and sorry to hear about your friend’s illness. I wouldn’t recommend taking flowers as a gift — traditionally, “cut” items like bouquets symbolize the end of a relationship and contemporary notions of flower giving can be misinterpreted in more conservative cultural settings. Instead, a more typical gift for an elderly or ill person would be something “nourishing” for the body or soul. Chicken soup from a good Chinese restaurant would be a good example. ~Wes
Miranda
My friend lost her mother a couple of months ago & I’d like to send her something as a respectful acknowledgment of her loss & to let her know I am thinking of her.
What would be appropriate?
Wes Radez
It’s a sweet thought, Miranda. I think your two options are to either recognize your friend’s mother or pay tribute to your friendship. A few branches of peach flowers (see above) in a decorative vase are a wonderful way to honor your friend’s mom and a life well lived. Alternatively, branches of plum flowers (see above) in a decorative vase symbolize courage and perseverance in the face of adversity, which may speak well to your friend. In either case, I’d suggest visiting a Chinatown flower market, as they’ll be most familiar with an appropriate way to arrange the flowers. ~Wes
Anthony
Hello, please could you help with the choice, I have a Chinese girlfriend, we started dating about 4 months ago but we like each other very much. I wanna give her flowers with no occasion but I would like to express by that move that I love her. Which flowers should I choose and what quantity. What do you think about Lilies, but I can’t decide with quantity, thank you very much for help
Wes Radez
Hi Anthony, thanks for your question! While peonies are a classic choice for a woman and lilies are a timeless pick for committed couples, neither screams ‘romance.’ Red roses would be the way to go. And whatever you do, stay away from white flowers, which of course are associated with funerals. Good luck! ~Wes
chris
I have a work colleague who is leaving after a year working together. She is starting her own school, what gift or flowers can I buy her?
Wes Radez
Hi Chris, a few thoughts. If flowers, then a live flower, not cut flowers (anything cut symbolizes the end of something). From a symbolic standpoint, a lotus might be your best choice for its association with pure hearts and auspicious events, good sentiments for a new venture. You can pair it with a monetary gift in a red envelope with a ship on it for wishes of smooth sailing in a new endeavor. ~Wes
Tracey Courtepatte
The information was extremely helpful. I have no clue on customs and this gave me a better guideline. Thank you.
Wes Radez
Really happy to hear that, Tracey! Glad that the tutorial was helpful to you. ~Wes
Ebrar Selcen Yavuz
你好.
I am living in Turkey and I am a university student. Our university has Confucius Institue which give us chance to learn Chinese. Then I am learning Chinese in there. We have Chinese instructors. In my country, we have national Teachers day in several days. I want to give them a gift because of that. However, I don’t know what should I give them. Could you give me some advice ? 谢谢
Wes Radez
What a great question, Ebrar. You may not be aware, but there’s also a Teachers’ Day in China. Stick with simple, sincere tokens of gratitude like handmade cards, flowers or fruit. From this list, a lotus flower is a good bet. ~Wes
Dawn Magee
Hello, I developed a wonderful bond with my kids crossing guard who happens to be a Chinese woman. (I’ve known her since my boys were in preschool and now they are in middle school). She will be retiring at the end of this school year (June) and I would love to give her a bouquet of flowers as a retirement gift. Any suggestions for the type of flower or other gift ideas if flowers aren’t best for this occasion. It would be greatly appreciated.
Regards
Wes Radez
Hi Dawn, it’s a thoughtful idea. Choose a potted plant, instead of cut flowers, which are traditionally associated with funerals. Peach flowers, symbolizing longevity, romance, prosperity and growth, would seem a good choice for a happy retirement. ~Wes
Michael Yinyang
Giving white roses to an online Chinese lady I will be meeting soon, would that be considered romantic or is that a no-no? Should I just go with red roses? I only ask about white roses as she wanted me to send her some before.
Wes Radez
Hi Michael, white flowers are generally associated with funerals, so I might stick red, unless she’s explicitly asked for white. ~Wes
Carol
I’m in South Africa. My Chinese friend recently lost her young husband after a long cancer battle. I’d like to send something to let her know we are so sad for her loss and are thinking of her … I don’t know what flowers to send if any … we can’t get peach branches or plum blossoms here … would a potted orchid be respectful? I even wondered about Spa voucher as it’s been a very stressful time for her — she’s a modern young woman and involved in the beauty marketing industry in China …
Wes Radez
Hi Carol, putting cultural considerations aside for a moment, showing your care and concern for your friend are a wonderful place to start. If you want flowers to be part of your plans, then white and yellow chrysanthemums would be the traditional choice. Nothing red, which is only a color for happy occasions. ~Wes
Carol
Thanks so much I appreciate your advice ??
Wes Radez
Quite welcome, Carol! ~Wes
Corey
Wes, I have a second date with a very accomplished and elegant Chinese woman. I want to show her I respect her and that I am romantically interested in her. She is very shy and I think a gesture is better than words in this case. But the gesture has to be clear. From reading here I want to get her 7 flowers based on your table. Chances of finding peonies in the dead of the winter are slim. So it is down to roses (which do have thorns) or lilies. Can you recommend one? Thank you for your time and advice.
Wes Radez
Hi Corey, if peonies are unavailable, then lilies would be the elegant choice. Good luck! ~Wes
Pat
My son’s father in law just passed and he asked me to send a flower arrangement with Lakers colors (that was papa’s favorite team). Would that be okay? And a picture of the two of them at a game.
Wes Radez
Hi Pat, sounds like a nice request during a difficult time. Sounds like observing his love of the Lakers is the overriding consideration. I’d go with that. ~Wes
LeeZ
Hi Wes,
My best friend’s dad passed away 3 days ago and today should have been the 50th wedding anniversary of his parents. I am thinking of sending flowers for his dad but want to give something for his mom too. What would be appropriate to give her at this time? Thanks in advance for your response!
Wes Radez
Hi Lee, it’s kind of you to be thinking of your friend’s family during this difficult time. For funerals, white and yellow chrysanthemums are the most appropriate choice for the family, making sure nothing in the arrangement is red. There’s a section in the piece above with more detail. ~Wes
michelle
this list was very helpful i’m a florist in Oregon and a new Hong Kong Market Grocery store opened next door and suddenly i have a lot of young Chinese students coming in to buy flowers .
i was confused because i had heard white was bad and yellow was good but it actually a lot more complicated. I had no idea yellow mums were bad . someone explained to me that pink carnations are for women who have had a baby as a congratulations on being a mom. i noticed spring festival/ new years was huge but i think i had yellow mums with red roses no wonder they didn’t sell well . the other thing i have noticed is the students seem to want to pick out the exact flowers and colors themselves wanting to come in the fridge to pick it out . this is fine just different than what i’m used to with most people telling me the occasion and the color and the budget and then i make it for them. at graduation a lot of them wanted large thank you bouquets for professors which was nice except i didn’t realize how big he meant at first till he showed me some photos they are huge tall bouquets i wasn’t sure if flowers were much cheaper in china or if its just important to give your professor a much nicer gift culturally
Wes Radez
I’m so glad the guide was helpful to you, Michelle. Thank you for sharing some of your on-the-ground experience from your shop. ~Wes
Ed
Hi Wes, thanks for all the tips; they’re very useful!
A Chinese coworker just gave birth to a beautiful girl and a few of us would like to send her flowers. Any suggestions?
Wes Radez
Thanks for your question, Ed. Flowers wouldn’t really be traditional in this case — check out my suggestions for Chinese Baby Gifts. Hope that helps! ~Wes
Steven
Hi Wes,
we have a meeting with Chinese business men in South Africa to try and conclude a deal. Would like to brighten up the boardroom. Is cut flowers allowed and if so which kind or should we just steer clear of flowers. Many thanks.
Wes Radez
Hi Steven, business etiquette is a whole different subject! You really want to be reinforcing themes of building a relationship, starting a journey together, prosperity, etc. Given that cut flowers typically symbolize the end of something, I’d probably steer clear. ~Wes
Scott Fraser
So, what then would be appropriate… potted plants?
I just finished a deal where a factory did a good job making products for me. I was thinking of sending flowers to the factory to show my appreciation for the workers on my project.
From what I’ve read so far, red could seem to be an appropriate color. Should I send something red and potted?
Wes Radez
Hi Scott, business gifts are a whole separate situation! Directionally, yes, but perhaps you would want to consider a small potted kumquat tree to express hopes for prosperity and the growth of your relationship. Especially appropriate around this season for Lunar New Year. ~Wes
Kay
Hi! My son is taking a young Chinese-American girl to a dance and needs to buy her a nosegay. It sounds like peonies would be an ideal choice, but I don’t know if I will be able to find them during January. Is there a flower other than lilies that would be appropriate for a 15 year old girl who is just a friend? I think parents are pretty traditional, so I don’t want my son to show up with the wrong flowers!
Wes Radez
Hi Kay, as long as you avoid chrysanthemums, which are for funerals, color is probably your next most important variable. Red and pink are always safe celebratory choices, though you may want to stop short of roses, which would send too strong a message for a friend. ~Wes
Sue
My doctor (Veterans Hospital) is from China and she recently went above and beyond to push for a test that will likely save my life. I want to let her know I appreciate all her work for me and all the veterans she works so hard for. Would flowers be appropriate or would something else be better. I know she does not have time to take care of a live plant.
Wes Radez
Wonderful, Sue. Focus on quality, pick something local, fall back on sweetness and don’t forget presentation. Fine looseleaf tea, specialty chocolates or a good red wine, wrapped nicely in red and gold, would show your appreciation. ~Wes